Loving is Hard

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins” – I Peter 4:8

Today marks 25 years of marriage to Joy. I think back to that day and the nerves and the excitement. I think of my breath stolen when she walked down the aisle. I think of my dad crying behind me, of Joy’s grandfather whisper-shouting to my soon to be mother-in-law, “here she comes Carol.” I think of my friend Todd singing Steven Curtis Chapman’s “I will be here.” I think of smiles and hugs and even a few tears (most all of those were from my mom and little sister).

And I also realize how quickly 25 years pass. I think of the houses that we have made homes. I think of long drives and longer conversations. I think of seeing our dreams smile at us in three baby boys – one of whom will soon start his journey of marriage, another who begins college in the fall, and our final gift who keeps us smiling and frazzled in the same minute.

It’s easy to reflect on these memories and be overwhelmed with love. I have deep affection for the memories and it makes my longing for my family even greater. It’s cliche, I know, but I look back at those 2 young kids getting married and I think they didn’t even know what love was yet. My love is so much richer and deeper and stronger today. I love her more today.

But, as I think about this love, I am immediately presented with a problem – what do I do with those who are difficult to love? Scripture is pretty clear about God’s love for us, and our response is to love like Him. John is the disciple of Love, and he says the ways we show the world we love God is by loving the world – yikes. Jesus’ command was to love – he wanted us to be filled with the same love that trinity shares!

And here, Peter says it is “most important of all” to show continual love. That word hit me in the face this morning. I think I can sometimes begrudgingly love someone (if that’s even a real thing), but continual love of those who seem bent on making life difficult? And loving people outside the faith community is difficult enough when they are nasty (I think of all those horns honking on the highway from road ragers), but loving those who claim to follow Jesus but act in ways that don’t appear all that loving…that’s really hard.

I’m not good at this continual loving. It’s easy for me to “hallmark” my way into this anniversary and think of our good love. But the truth is, I’m still not good at loving continually this person who has covenanted to share life with me. I still have a long way to go. And I’m even worse at loving those who get on my nerves, or seem to want to make life more difficult and complex than needed.

But, I’m thankful that Jesus’ love for me has already gone it’s fullest extent. He loved me first…he loved me on the cross…he loves me now. And I’m thankful that when I’m struggling to love, he promises to be with me. I’m thankful that he has promised to continue to transform me from unlovable to continual lovable. I’m thankful that his love is holy and it consumes away my prickly stuff. And I’m thankful that when I mess up and am not so loving to others (regardless of their response), he still loves me and offers me another chance to continue to love.

Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me continually. Thank you for this day and for the gift of 25 years with Joy. Thank you for the life we share that you have been the center of. Thank you for those in my life that love me fully – who have been honest and helped me better, and for their support and encouragement. Thank you for those who are hard to love. Help me to love even when I don’t understand, and especially when I’m hurt by them. Let me love today like you love me today. I know this may be difficult, but with you…I’m good. Thank you Jesus for your love. I love you and want to love you more. Amen.