A Stream in the Woods

Whenever, I go hiking, I’m always thankful for running water. As a kid, I loved jumping over it or playing in it. I loved balancing precariously on wobbly rocks, and watching dragonflies zip around lightly touching the surface. And if the running water were to dump into a swimming hole…something life giving was transferred from creation to me. There is joy in these places. There is hope, and there is rest. There is relief.

The psalmist wrote famously, “as a dear pants for water, so my soul longs for you.” The cry has been turned into songs and poems and more churchy-art than I’d care to remember. And there’s good reason for it – the image the psalmist is creating is one that I can visualize. We know what it is to long and thirst for something to quench us. We even know that our thirst is something that will come again, so to have it really quenched would be a true miracle.

But to thirst for God the way the psalmist does, that is something I think I am beginning to understand. I didn’t always. I mean I thirsted as was appropriate. I was prayerful, and I wanted God to heal my boo-boos and provide for my needs, but I’m not entirely sure that’s the thirst of a dear that pants for water. That kind of “longing” is in it for me; for what will make me happy or will alleviate my irritations. What about the thirst for God though?

A deer that pants for water is almost crazed until it has what it needs. Many might agree about me being crazed, but am I known for that in my longing for the God who says, “fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, and you are mine”? Again, I have a lot of moments when I’m desperate for God to show up and show out (I’m in the middle of one right now), but how do I feel about letting those things go for the sake of being just with Him? Is he enough?

I’m feeling a lot of loss right now. In my church, we have lost 5 people recently to tragic deaths. My staff are strained. My lay people are slogging through pressures internal and external. Many friends speak about a deep discontentment, and others are longing for some peace or hope that will make hard things go away. In our denomination, it feels like a never-ending divorce is happening, and the parties involved have forgotten about the kids in the middle. Loss seems to pile up left and right, and, if you know me, I like to fix losses…and I’m not able too.

And, so I come back to this deer. As it strains for the water, it stops noticing the potential losses around. It needs the drink…for that is life. I’m not saying that I need to stop caring for these piling up losses, but would happen if I longed more for him rather than an answer to the problems? What would happen if my straining was for the life he gives to me and not for the fixing or answers I’d so very much like to see?

The truth is, I’m not smart enough to fix or handle all these losses. And I don’t even think it’s helpful for me to figure out how these all started piling up. But what I do know is that my heart is to valuable to remain in a state of internal warring. It can’t long for so many and have it’s true longing set to the side. And what I think I’m starting to learn, some days better than others, is that when my longing is for God’s presence over God’s provision, God’s fullness tends to make up for my deficiencies.

Not sure what I’m going to do the rest of the day, but I hope I’ll find a stream or a river. I hope, I’ll be captivated by a creation that hasn’t stopped singing praises. And I hope that as I long for HIM to be near, I might just be wowed all over again.