“He won’t give you more than you can handle.”
“His timing isn’t our timing.”
“He knows what you need.”
For those of us who are in a limbo state with our lives or who are experiencing some massive shifts in the normalcy of our everyday living, these statements are often mantras that we live by. If they’re not mantras then they usually are blurbs of encouragement given to help us through these “tough times”. But here’s the deal – as true as these things may be (and I believe they are) they aren’t easy to hear much less believe when the stuff is hitting the fan.
In the last year I’ve gone through a real blitzkrieg of emotions and events. I’ve been in 10 different states, a foreign country, meetings and evaluations, close to 20 different plane flights and driven well over 6000 miles. In this time I have seen my life go from predictable to just begging for some kind of direction. It’s gone from busy and ever-changing to mundane and, some days, depressing. In the midst of that I went from a job I loved with people I enjoyed to unemployed and worrying about how to make next months bills. I’ve gone from loving what I do to being confused about what’s next for me and for my family. And just when I think it’s all going to come to an end, or at least quiet down again, a whole new barrage of uncertainty hits me in the face.
I’ve had people across the country praying for us as we wait on God’s timing – and what’s usually given to us, as encouragement, is the tried but true lines : Don’t loose the faith, Keep up with the Call, or the others listed above. And not to sound ungrateful, but those lines start to lose meaning all together after a while. And while I’m a deeply devoted optimist, hope seems to run away rather than blossom under these long droughts of frustration.
I’ve been reading a commentary on the writings and life of Brother Lawrence. Brother Larry (as I like to refer to him) was a monk who entered the service of the monastery later in life (like his 50’s) – we would probably refer to him today as a 2nd career Monk. Brother Larry was often chided for his lack of reverence at the daily offices of prayer. He would repent but continue doing what he always did. For Brother Larry, prayer wasn’t something you did just at a certain time of day. For Brother Larry, connection with God, living in His presence was something done all the time – one moment was no more holy than the next.
Brother Larry had his fair share of good times and bad times – days in the pit and days of great joy. But Brother Larry didn’t live with nice little comments that end up losing their meaning after a the good days are fleeting memories. First off he expected those times, He anticipated that those days when you feel like you’re in a pit and there seems to be no rescue at hand were on there way. He also knew that God was above all of it. For Brother Larry, God DID/DOES know what’s going on. He isn’t worried about the next meal or the next series of bills. He doesn’t get all flustered because it’s slow and he hasn’t gotten a phone call/email in a week. He doesn’t do this because HE’s God!
What’s hard to remember, as I’m in the pit right now, is that God is really in control. Part of me doesn’t want to think that – I want Him to be on the move, doing something right now, so I’ll be okay. I don’t want God to worry, but I want Him to be like me – fixing the problem with haste. But that’s not Him- He does know all that’s going on. He’s not messing with me and He’s not waiting to see me fail. He’s flexing in me. He’s building muscle by forcing me to exercise. It’s hard – it’s not fun and when people throw their little nice comments at me it drives me nuts, but deep down I know I can’t force or hold onto something tight enough so it will make God move. All I can do is choose. I’m still uptight. I’m still filled with anxiety but God isn’t. He Knows. And when I’m not feeling it – He’s giving me the stuff I need to make it.
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ahhh…cliches. gotta love ’em. i’m in that limbo, too friend- trying to hang on to the possibility that a miracle is in the works. there’s a fine line between not getting your hopes up and not believing God is capable of such miracles. i want to believe He is, but, at the same time, i don’t want to be crushed if His plan differs from mine. i’ve come to realize one thing through the last several years- God is God no matter what we do. but even with that knowledge in place, sometimes, cliches just don’t mean shit. hope that wasn’t to rauccous for some of your readers. in the words of one of my favorite philosophers, forrest gump, “sometimes, i guess there just aren’t enough rocks”.
kelly – couldn’t agree more – and no not to raucous at all!!! thanksj
we need your words and wisdom, Jim, thank you for being vulnerable to share all with us.in His loveBarbara