Life…or something like it

Friday was May 23rd.  No big whoop right?  For most, the day went by like any other day.  For me it was something over 10 years in the making – Joy and I’s 10th anniversary.  Now I know 10 is a big one!  I’ve thought about it since our 5th and then again at our 8th and I’ve drooled about it since hitting 9 years.  

See, most who know me, understand that I’m an avid over-thinker.  I think about all kinds of scenarios most of which will NEVER happen.  I’m the guy who looks at the river in front of him and thinks about every bend and turn that rivers going to take.  I certainly get in the water, but I know about what’s coming, or at least I plan my butt off to make sure I know.  That’s the funny part – because every time I do a little of this “creative thinking” I end up hitting boulders that are submerged below the surface, which end up shooting me in directions or streams that weren’t on my map at all.  
So true with my 10th anniversary.  We’ve been planning since our 5th to make this special – recasting our wedding bands, renewing our vows, special dinners where I was going to sing our favorite Frank Sinatra songs (yes, I can pull it off), a special trip and a couple other surprises that I can’t tell.  I opened my calendar on friday and saw a entry entitled “special anniversary vacation”.  I planned it all.  And, I hit a boulder!
It’s been over 6 months now since I stepped down from my job.  I thought I would have been settled 4 months ago and yet here I sit – my in-laws home at midnight.  In previous blogs, I’ve shared my discontent with pithy little “you’ll be okay” statements.  I’ve also shared, what I think are some pretty cool thoughts about the wedding at Cana.  Tonight – I don’t have anything profound or emotional.  What I have is this…God is leading us on a journey, one that is the epitome of mystery.  And after 6 months (really longer if you count the 9 months of hell that we lived prior to November), I’m finally okay with God and with where we are.
Here’s why…the last 2 nights, Joy and I have both had horrific nightmares – all of them include anger and separation and divorce.  We wake up happy that the dream is over and yet trying to figure out why we’re so angry in our sleep.  It sucks.  Yet, rolling over and seeing my bride still there – not angry with me, but smiling is good.  
So, while my plans haven’t gone nearly the way I thought they should’ve gone – I’m okay.  I’m celebrating 10 years, hard ones, good ones, fun times, sad times, times with plenty and times with nothing, years on our own and years depending on those around us, years of great closeness and one or two where we barely saw each other and through it all I’m blessed.  
God has been so gracious to me!
Grace and Peace!
jim

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