Praying through it…

I wish my prayer life were deeper. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that thought. I wish I was happier with how and when I prayer. In reality, I don’t know very many people who are pleased with their prayer life. Some may be reading this with the thought, “what prayer life?” I understand.
There have been times that my prayer life was this constant dance of intimacy. Even typing that sounds both really cool and really depressing. I say there have been times when that was true, but that’s not been my recent experience of prayer. More accurately, my prayer life has been more of the scrounging around and desperately trying to lean in. It’s not that I’m not praying but that my praying seems to be going nowhere – like it’s bouncing right back at me.
When I was a kid, we would play “wall-ball” all the time. If you don’t know the game, it consists of as few as 2 people and a rubber ball (tennis ball will do) and a wall. The rules are simple, the ball is thrown at the wall, if it bounces before touching the wall, you run and touch the wall before the other player grabs the ball and throws it at the wall before the runner touches said wall. I wonder how many of us feel like our prayers are like that tennis ball being hurled toward the wall and fearing that it’s only going to come ricocheting back?
This “prayer-bouncing” is a crippling phenomenon. I can argue my way through it with great theological statements, but when you “feel” that your prayers are hitting the ceiling and coming right back down, it’s rough. No amount of theological training or expertise can change that feeling (it can challenge your beliefs, but the feelings are tough to budge with arguments). I “know” that my prayers finally end up in the throne room of heaven, but there’s as many questions as assuredness. I’m not nearly brave enough to understand the realm of God and what happens with the prayers. Some might say that the war of “principalities and spiritual realms” effects the prayers of the saints. But if I start down that road, I just get more worried that those prayers are going nowhere, or worse, deleted before even get the chance of getting to God (who needs that stress?).
There is one thing about this “prayer-bounce” though that can comfort me. When I’m feeling that my prayers are going nowhere or that my prayer life is tired and even shallow, I know that God knows how I’m feeling. I know that God is good – that God hurts with me – that God’s longs for that connection as much as I’m aching for it. That’s mind blowing to think – if I’m aching for deeper connection to God, to hear and be heard by our creator, that ache is only a minor reflection of God’s ache for me! Whoa.
Luke 11 gives us the picture of how Jesus approached both prayer and how the Father longs to connect with us. Maybe as an experiment, some time after reading this, take some time to read Luke 11 (maybe in a different translation than you’re used to). Jesus tells us a lot about prayer in this short little section. To me, I hear that prayer is unique and simple. I see a beautiful simplicity. What a great place to start!!

Prayer is about being with the one who loves us beyond words – beyond even our ability to know. Prayer is about relationship, it’s about connecting – even when we feel dried out and weak. Prayer is restoration and rest. It’s seeking and knocking. It’s being known. It’s learning that God is a good Father – who longs for us more than we ever know.
What are your thoughts on prayer? Do you feel the “prayer-bounce”? How can you take some time this weekend and pray differently – pray with no agenda but of knowing His longing for you? At some point, I pray that we have that moment with our Papa God that let’s us know that we are loved. Even if our prayers aren’t answered, at least the way we want, I hope we’ll feel the embrace of God’s glory all the more!

Grace and Peace –

Jim