Small Steps – Big God

If I’m honest, the last week or so has been pretty tough. To quote an old friend, “the struggle has been real.” I know I’m not alone either. We’re living in a season that is just really hard right now. We call it the “new normal” but it’s anything but normal. Even with limited time, and limited conversations, I hear the stories. We try and make jokes about not getting out of our pj’s or about forgetting what day it is, but there is also a deep truth and some deep fear behind our jokes. 

My kids eat a lot of cereal, so cereal boxes are always around. And the last week or so has kinda felt like being in a discarded cereal box with the lids slowly closing and things getting darker and tighter. Or maybe it’s more like a roller coaster that won’t stop? In many ways, it has slowed down considerably, but it still just keeps going. At some point, we just want to pull into the station and relax a bit. Or maybe, it’s information overload and the amount of “stuff” our minds are processing has reached a point where our brains and bodies just kinda want to shut down? 

Even if life is feeling a bit frozen right now, decision fatigue is a real thing. I want to do “the right thing” but with so many opinions what is the right thing? Of course, the divisiveness of the larger culture is no help here. If I say this, will I get sucked into a corner? If I don’t respond will I be miss-labeled? And who knew a simple thing like wearing a mask would dominate much of our conversations? Or that church attendance during a pandemic would be a cry for religious liberty?

As a proud planner, not being able to see or have a plan for what’s coming next has been rough. And to this, my soul has needed the wisdom and words of Henri Nouwen. I’ve been reading his book “Following Jesus” which is perfect for me right now. Following Jesus is what I’ve wanted my entire life to be about, but in the recent days following has looked at times more like aimlessly trudging through a deep fog. But Henri speaks to this fog in a way that brings a lightness to my fatigued body, and a bit of clarity for my cloudy journey. 

This week, Nouwen brought me to Luke 5:1-11. In this story, the noise had gotten loud and the crowds had gotten big. Jesus couldn’t even see all the people coming to him, and so he borrows a boat from some fishermen and teaches from the water. From this perspective, he can see the crowds and the fishermen have some entertainment as they repair and clean their tools. As Jesus finishes up, he asks Simon to take him fishing. Simon knows his stuff and he knows when it’s time to fish and when it’s time to nap. Simon had been out on the water all night seeking for a catch, he was ready to call it a day. But hearing Jesus speak invited Peter into the impossible. 

Jesus said, “let’s go out to the deeper waters.” That’s not where Peter wants to be. It’s an illogical request. It means getting out all that has been put away and stowed to do something that should have NO payout. And yet, Jesus invites into deeper waters and Peter agrees. In this place of exhaustion and where no one wanted to be, the fisherman becomes a disciple. 

“Go out into the deeper waters.” What a strange thing for Jesus to say. From what we know, Jesus wasn’t a fisherman. He didn’t have a fish-finder on the end of his walking staff that beeped when he got near a big school. But he was someone that invited others, in this case, a bunch of fishermen, to trust him. I think that’s what going out to deeper waters mean – taking the next small step of trust. 

Could that be what discipleship is? Is Nouwen right when he says that discipling is taking a small step and experiencing the fullness of God’s love. Is discipleship just giving expression to God’s amazing love and then letting that expression take all the forms possible. A small step of trust opens us to receiving from the bigger heart of God; the God who does have the answers – who does know the plan and what is coming. Nouwen invites me to see that following Jesus means giving my “unique form and incarnation over to God’s love.” 

But how? How do I go out to those deeper waters? How can I trust when I’m in that box, or unending rollercoaster, or in the fog? I see the giants of the faith and they don’t seem to have these questions. They seem to always know what to do? And I’m certainly not like them. Do I “fake it till I make it?” Is that the answer? Is there some book I can read that will tell me how to get from a to b?

One of the beautiful things about God is that God’s abundance is seen in us. We are so wildly and incredibly diverse and different. God didn’t make a bunch of cookie-cutter pre-fabricated beings. God gave unique finger prints and unique souls to each and every one. That means to try and be like anyone else, is to miss the point on what it means to belong to God. The truth is, there are no 2 followers of Jesus who are alike. That’s brilliantly beautiful!

So if being a copy-cat disciple ain’t gonna do it, and pretending won’t either what is the next step? Notice Jesus didn’t reprimand Simon for what was certainly a begrudging shove off for the shore. Instead, Jesus invited him to trust a small step – let’s go out. Peter didn’t know what was out there, or what was going to be accomplished, but he did choose to trust Jesus. 

There’s my sliver of light – as a disciple, not only do I not need to be Billy Graham or NT Wright or John Wesley, instead, I – Jim Nichols – only can choose to take one small step and trust God’s love to hold me up. All I need to do is take a step in order to be with Jesus. It’s a step away from fear and into God’s heart. Don’t need to jump, I just need to move toward Him. 

But what’s the step? How do I know which direction to go? Nouwen wonders if we spend so much time on the “BIG WILL” of God things that we miss that our next steps are small and very knowable. The guy who cut you off – next step may just be to let it go and not race up in order to tell him what a moron he is. Being kind – holding our tongue from something that will only inflame a situation – refusing to pay back someones bad attitude with a quick sarcastic retort – turning off social media or screen time when all it’s doing is building fear and taking life – these are easy steps. And they may be more in line with following God’s will for your life than you know. 

Sometimes we have to endure the unknowing and the tiresome roller coaster, but even there we can still take a small next step. Sometimes the noise is great and the mind, heart and soul can feel like a bomb has gone off. Sometimes a pandemic will take the best out of you and leave you pretty ragged and weary. And in those moments, I wonder how many invitations we miss to go into deeper waters with Jesus? 

I close with these words from one of my other favorite authors – James Bryan Smith. His words are reminders and a great hope to me in these rough days: 

“You are one in whom Christ delights and dwells. You live in the strong and unshakeable kingdom of God. The kingdom is not in trouble and neither are you.” – James Bryan Smith

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